Why You're Struggling with Playing Time.. and What You Can Actually Do About It

There’s a specific kind of pain that comes from sitting on the bench.

It’s not always physical, but it hits hard. It can feel like rejection. It can make you question your worth. And it’s one of the most common emotional struggles in sports.

For younger athletes, playing time doesn’t always sting quite as much. But somewhere around 5th or 6th grade, things start to change. You start caring more about what your teammates think. You start noticing who’s starting. And if you're not one of them, it can feel like everyone else is noticing too.

But here’s the truth: You’re not being attacked. You’re being challenged.

Common Playing Time Myths in Youth Sports

It’s easy to assume the worst:

• The coach doesn’t like me.

• They don’t see how hard I’m working.

• They’re only playing their favorites.

• Everyone should get equal time.

But here’s a reality check:

If a coach thinks playing someone else gives the team the best chance to win, they’re probably right.

That doesn't mean you're not talented. It doesn't mean you're not valuable.

It just means something you're doing (or not doing) isn't aligned with what your coach needs on the floor right now.

How to Earn More Playing Time the Right Way

If you’re not getting minutes, you need to find your coach’s pain point, and fix it.

Maybe they need:

• More defensive communication on the floor

• Someone who can handle pressure better

• A guard who plays fast instead of slow

• A forward who can defend multiple positions

You might be the best shooter on the team. But if they need toughness, your shooting isn’t going to matter. You have to play in a way that fits their system and their expectations. That’s not unfair, that’s team basketball.

My Wake-Up Moment

There was one game my senior year where I didn’t step foot on the court. It was close, intense, and high-stakes. Our coach only played six guys. We won the game. Everyone was celebrating. I went home upset and questioning if I should even keep playing.

Later I realized it wasn’t my skills that kept me out, it was my style. I never talked to the coach about what he wanted, and I never adjusted my game to fit his system. That was on me.

What You Can Do Right Now

1. Ask questions.

   • Talk to your coach. Ask what your role is. Ask what you can improve to help the team. Don’t assume, get clarity.

2. Study the team’s style.

   • Understand how your team plays and where you fit. Are they fast-paced? Defense-first? Do they need a vocal leader? Look for gaps you can fill.

3. Take responsibility.

   • Don’t blame the coach. Don’t blame teammates. Blame doesn’t solve anything. Find the problem and fix it.

4. Be undeniable.

   • Go above and beyond. Lead during practice. Keep things focused. Clean up the gym before your coach even has to ask. Don’t do it to be seen, do it because you care.

   
   

Advice for Parents

Please, don’t blame the coach in front of your athlete. It teaches them nothing. Instead, ask them:

• What do you think you could work on?

• What does that other player do differently than you?

• What’s something you can add to your game to help the team?

Even if you believe your kid is the best on the team, that doesn’t matter if their style doesn’t match the team’s needs. The game isn’t always about being “better”, it’s about being the right fit.

Playing Time vs. Life Lessons

Not starting doesn’t mean you don’t matter.

Plenty of elite players came off the bench. Manu Ginobili helped win 4 championships that way. He didn’t let his ego get in the way of his impact.

And if you learn how to handle these situations now, you’re building tools that go far beyond sports.

Didn’t get the promotion? Got passed over for an opportunity? You don’t walk away, you figure out how to bring more value and become undeniable in that space.

Final Thought

This isn’t about your coach being right or wrong. It’s about how you respond.

You can get bitter... or you can get better.

You can complain... or you can commit to finding out how to help your team win.

One mindset will hold you back. The other will take you further than any starting spot ever could.