Playing Scared: How Performance Anxiety Holds Athletes Back (and what to do about it)

I used to love practice. But game days? I felt sick.

Literally.

I’d overthink everything. I wanted to play with zero mistakes, which is impossible in most sports. If I messed up, I’d get frustrated, sometimes to the point of tears. As I got older, it turned into something else: I just stopped being aggressive. I held back. I played it safe.

And like a lot of young athletes, I didn’t even know that what I was feeling had a name.

What Performance Anxiety Looks Like

Performance anxiety isn’t always easy to spot. Sometimes it shows up as butterflies before a big game. Sometimes it’s physical, sweaty palms, a racing heart, even vomiting. For some athletes, it’s that constant fear of messing up or getting subbed out.

It can happen at any age, and it often gets worse the longer it’s ignored.

But the truth is, anxiety often means that athletes care deeply about what they’re doing. They want to do well. They want to make people proud. They want to feel like they belong.

Where It Comes From

Performance anxiety can come from a lot of places:

• Unrealistic expectations from parents

• Internal pressure to be perfect

• Fear of getting pulled for making a mistake

• Watching nothing but NBA and college highlights and thinking mistakes aren’t normal

What young athletes don’t realize is that even the best players in the world mess up constantly, they just keep playing. If we only show kids the best moments, they’ll believe they’re failing if their performance isn’t identical.

A Story I Didn’t Understand Until Later

There was a game in high school when I was the only point guard left on our roster because of injuries. I knew I wasn’t coming out, no matter what. That gave me permission to play free, without fear.

It ended up being the best game of my career.

That wasn’t a coincidence. It was the result of finally letting go of the fear of being pulled or messing up. And I didn’t fully realize that until years later.

What Athletes Can Do

1. Watch full games, not just highlights. This sets realistic expectations and helps athletes see that mistakes happen to everyone.

2. Talk to your coach. Ask what your role is. Be honest about your fears. Coaches should make it clear they care more about effort and decision-making than perfection.

3. Be open with your parents. If you feel pressure from them after games, let them know. You can even share this blog post with them if that feels easier than having the conversation.

4. Know that it’s okay to feel nervous. That nervous energy means you care. But when it becomes too much, it’s time to work through it, not hide from it.

   
   

What Parents and Coaches Should Know

• Don’t criticize your athlete after the game. If you constantly point out mistakes, they’ll start playing to avoid your comments instead of playing to win.

• Ask if they want advice before offering it. Support and encouragement should always come first.

• Coaches, be honest.. but be careful with your delivery. Think of molding clay, not chipping away at stone. Early on, kids need to be shaped, not broken. You can turn up the toughness as they mature.

Why This Matters So Much

Because anxiety robbed me of moments I wish I could have fully enjoyed.

I loved practices because there was no pressure. But looking back, it’s the games I miss. The roar of the crowd. The excitement. The memories. I wish I had addressed the anxiety earlier so I could have played freely, loved the experience, and walked away with fewer regrets.

Let’s help the next generation do better than we did.

Let’s help them play without fear.

Let’s help them love the game again.